Inappropriate Christmas Gifts

Christmas is that magical time during which people the world over forget about their prejudices, frustrations and general bigotry and adapt the spirit of community and hugging strangers. The problem is that it’s such a short lived transformation that, to cynics like myself, it seems near pointless. Considering this revelation it might be time to break the pointless cycle of love and compassion and, by taking advantage of people’s forgiving nature, use this time to do something really terrible to them.

In the essence of playful mean spiritedness, let’s take a look at some of the most inappropriate Christmas gifts for 2011:

  • A Religious Gift

If you’re Jewish, then take your revenge on your celebratory Christian friends by giving them a yarmulke to remind them that, although they may be happy now, they’re going to burn for all eternity later – and then it’ll be your turn to party.

  • An Intimate Gift

If you’ve been waiting for the right moment to explain something to your boyfriend or husband that’s really been bothering you then this might not be the perfect time, but it sure is a convenient one. While sitting around the Christmas tree, hand him a gift voucher for a nice phalloplasty enhancement procedure. With the kids around he won’t be able to cry, another plus.

  • A Meaningful Gift

On the other hand, if you’re the man of the relationship and you’ve been desperately trying to work out the right way to tell your wife that you appreciate all the children she’s provided, but you’re done trading her figure for your genetic heritage, then here’s how…

Rather than attempting to use logic to put her emotions at ease when you imply her child bearing hips are no longer a useful asset – just hand her a tubectomy appointment card and then smile lovingly (for best results make sure one of your offspring is on your lap in between you both at the time.)

  • An Expensive Gift

This Christmas is the perfect time to give someone the gift that they’ve always dreamed of but have never had the money to afford. Your permanently, physically disabled friend stuck in his hospital bed will surely appreciate the round the world plane ticket and holiday package you bought him – especially since it’s non refundable and his plane leaves in three hours.

  • A Thoughtful Gift

Some social disabilities can be truly daunting and friends suffering from challenges like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can get really down as they’re compelled to repeat seemingly mundane tasks over and over to ease their minds. This Christmas, give them something really useful like a new Clapper lighting system complete with randomised effects, then sit back and watch them clap happily all day long.

If none of these ideas work for you then you’re most likely a more socially responsible person that I am, which is doubtlessly a good thing. In this case, if you can’t think of anything, then it may be time to contact a professional gift agency which is experienced in knowing what’s actually appropriate.

Warren Kings is an experienced online content writer who enjoys writing about various topics such as gifts, shopping, xmas hampers and online products.

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